LETTER FROM FR. DAN KOSTRZEWSKI TO H. HOWELL (1966)

Please remember Father Daniel (Dan) Kostrzewski in your prayers.  Below is an excerpt of a letter he wrote to Helen Howell  in 1966. They became good friends during these tumultuous times. 

Who can deny that everyone in the whole world is tortured these days? Isn't it at least almost true right now that the living are saying: "Blessed are the dead who don't have to witness these things"? And others, are almost ready to say: "Would that the hills would fall upon us to crush us so that we wouldn't have to bear with this any more"? 

I am very heartsick about the "splinter groups", their "endorsements", "disenchantment" and "recantations".  I'm sorry God has not allowed them their sincere hearts' desire - to wake up the "dying Church". Lord knows they all mean well, But they are leaderless and this too,  God permits. He will not allow anyone to glory in success because He finds us all guilty in our own respective ways. Wherein we condemn others, we may be innocent, but in other things, we ourselves hide closeted skeletons. We shall all be punished at this time of Church "failure". This is a time of total purgation! Some will be bettered by it; theirs will go from temporal trials to those eternal. 

Much of what the Pope (Paul VI) is doing I still do not approve of. Yet he's still Vicar of Christ and whatever he commands, if even "skinnily" licit; not liking, disapproving, I must obey - weeping and not understanding, will obey. I guess I will never "like" the ways of the present Pope. I look for the coming of the next - with perhaps vain longings. Because God's ways are not man's ways. And I feel, if I lived in Jesus' time, there were things He did, I might, like the Pharisees, "disapprove" of - because I'm fallible. Again, though not "liking", who am I to disobey God? I judge at face value, God judges the heart. 

Spiritually speaking, for me, this is almost a living death. I am unhappy as a soul in total purgation even as I live - or believe myself to be living! No, I'm not a happy Catholic today.